i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
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Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
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In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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