i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize