dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
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The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
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I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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