i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize