he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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