Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
BRING THE BAGELS
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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