I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
you have to choose: penises or morals?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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