Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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