As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
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