I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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