my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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