i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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