he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize