Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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