Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
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he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
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Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
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