I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Drake has all the answers
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
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