omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize