Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
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he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
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I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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