Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
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I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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