Welp...herpes.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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