I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
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my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
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It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
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