Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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