You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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