Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
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she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
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So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
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