standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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