Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
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We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Still dying that you shit outside
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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