Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
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