My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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