I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
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