My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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