how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
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