I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize