rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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