last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize