It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
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I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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