She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
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im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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