put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She even gives head with a lisp.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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