I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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