I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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