I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
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