I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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