Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
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It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
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i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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