My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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