I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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