hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
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