"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
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she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
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That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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