We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
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