i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
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i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
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After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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