Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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