i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize